The Intercultural Exeter Model by Janet Reibstein & Reenee Singh

Author:Janet Reibstein & Reenee Singh [Reibstein, Janet & Singh, Reenee]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781119668435
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2020-11-20T00:00:00+00:00

NOTE

1 i.e., people can often think they are being helpful because either they are motivated by caring and do not want to push or risk causing harm, pain, or sadness—or, more pertinently, they do not know what can or will help or not.

CHAPTER 6

Communication Training

ACTIVE LISTENING

This is an exercise to help people change their habits of not listening well on the one hand and not waiting to ensure they have been properly heard and understood on the other. It is meant to help people realize how they are missing the meanings and shared understandings from each other because they are not either listening well, with the intention of trying to understand fully what the other is saying, and also by rushing to say things without ensuring that what you are saying has been properly stated and received. It entails:

Encouraging partners to listen actively (clarifying but not debating what is being said) in a manner that supports and validates the speaker.

Encouraging partners to summarize and reflect back what they have heard, especially in relation to key issues voiced.

Discouraging either partner from making unfounded assumptions about communications.

Procedure: One person speaks—only up to a few sentences (the therapist tells the ground rules first, and then halts the speaker if it is going on too long; people can only take in information in small bites).

The listener just listens without interrupting and then is asked to say back what the listener thinks the speaker has said.

The speaker checks out that the listener has understood what the speaker has said and adds or corrects if there is something to be added or corrected.

The listener says back then what he/she now does understand the speaker has said.

The speaker checks out that it is completely understood to his/her satisfaction.

This operation is then repeated with the speaker/listener roles reversed.

This is often a most useful exercise when the couple are clearly not hearing, understanding, or listening and the therapist can halt things and ask them to do this exercise on a small piece of what should be heard and understood.

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